http://myfriendsaremarried.tumblr.com/post/38227300785/when-my-friend-tells-me-she-wants-to-set-me-up-on-a
--look at be amazed
--and laugh hysterically
Tuesday 18 December 2012
letter.
I want to tell you so badly. I want you to want me. I want you to want to listen to what I have to say. I want you to care. I want you to tell me all your silly opinions, and teach me how to play that dumb video game and all about what your learning at school and reading and doing at work. I want you to want to be my friend. I want you not to just look through me. I want you to care, just a little bit. Please?
I love your smile. I love your laugh. I love your beautiful blue eyes. I love the way you glance at me in the rearview mirror. I love the way you stop in the middle of a sentence. I love the way you noticed me when I felt so lost and helpless. I love the way you love dressing up. I love the way you are passionate about the things you love. I love the way you pretend to know it all. I love the way you work hard. I love the way you help me. I love the way your compliment me. I love the way you make me feel. I love that we love the same shows. I love that you listen to me. I love that you respect me. I love the way you love The Lord with all your might and strength. I love the way you're unafraid to share your testimony, to make sacrafice and to reach out. I love the way you try with my little sister and understand how awkward I feel sometimes. I love so many things about you, but then I hate you. I hate you because I KNOW you don't care.
When we have it, we have it. When we don't we don't. I don't know how to find a happy medium with you. I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to be your friend, or anything else for that matter.
But I know this will never happen. I know I shouldn't worry. I know that what you are to me, is an illusion. It's not real. It isn't real because you won't give me a chance. You won't let me in. You're not real. I like so much about you, but none of it is real. This should be easy. But it's not.
You're everywhere. Everything I do ends up revolving around you somehow. It's driving me crazy.
Please let me go.
Please tell me how.
You're the one destroying me. You're the only one who can save me.
Love, (and yes, I think love)
Me
Wednesday 19 September 2012
just.a.question.
I have just been wondering something for interest-sake.
Do you think the older you get the deeper you feel?
I'm beginning to think that's true.
Do you think the older you get the deeper you feel?
I'm beginning to think that's true.
Sunday 15 July 2012
Week.Two.
July 1, 2012
Happy Canada Day All!
1. Monday
Today was my first day of classes! It is really hard to stay awake when you feel so jetlaged and starving. I am super exicted for my classes though! That may sound nerdy, but it's true! I get to take a British History class, and a British Literature class. We also have a London Walks class!
It was mighty hard to stay awake in class, but I did awesome on the quiz and hae been so thoroughly impressed with my fellow students. some of them are so articulate and well-spoken. I don't think I will ever participate in class! They just have so many wonderful ideas and seem to have a better grasp on just about everything. I guess maybe the American school system is greatly superior or they are all just geniuses... It is just mind boggling!
So here is how a typical class day works, breakfast 8:00-8:30, class at 9:00-10:15 then a half hour break, and Literature from 10:45-12:00.
(classroom ceiling)
On this particular Monday though we had only an hour break and then we had a meeting with Thais (Tie - e - sss) and Alvaro, they are the people who run the centre. Thais is the chef and Alvaro does everything else. They are the cutest Portugese couple ever! So during that hour break me and a few people went exploring the few blocks around our house for a Indian Take-Away Restaurant. It was only my second time ver trying Indian food and I LOVE IT! I got butter chicken and it was the most delicious thing ever! Plus it was an excellent opportunity to keeping getting to know people's names and who they are!
(Indian take-away crew - Chelsea, Lauren, Ali, Megan, Kim and Me)
Alvaro and Thias had a lot of things to say about the house, and its up keep. So now I feel a bit more prepared to live with all these people. Although they gave no advice on how to shower in public showers when the shower doors are completely see-through. I don't think anyone thought that through!
(see through bathroom stalls - you can't tell from here.. but trust me!)
Then we were off again, me and Valerie (my bunkmate) went on a walk to look for the text books we hadn't bought yet including the boring history book called ; The Story of England by Michael Wood and then Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro (this one looks a little better). We walked all around and found this darling little second-hand book store on Portebello Road (like Bedknobs and Broomsticks). Then we headed into Hyde Park where we found the Peter Pan statue and got terribly lost until 4:30 when I had to be back for dinner crew. We got so lost that some how we crossed a road without realizing it! I mean, Hyde Park is no Centeral Park but it is still quite large. There are two lakes in it! I find it really interesting what parks are like here, they are more of gardens and they are completely gorgeous!
(Me and Valerie at the Peter Pan statue - where we ran into another student -Janie and she took our picture)
Dinner was Kerma (sp) which is like a sweet curry! Then it was time for another novel experience which I adored! We went to listen to the London Symphony Orchestra. It was played right in St Pauls Cathedral! It is so majestic! The symphony was so beautiful! It was 90 minutes straight so I was rather pleased with myself for staying awake the entire time! But it just left me feeling wonderful! It had a choir and all the instruments! I love when I watch all the string instruments and their bows are moving in unison together! It just looks so nifty! The choir was phenomenal! There was this tenor who had a solo and his projection was so impressive. They sang in latin and you could follow along in the program, I found that rather enjoyable. Perhaps I will try to learn Latin someday, it is a pretty language.
(St Paul's)
One thing that I really want to know about Cathedrals and churches in general is the buriment of famous and rich It was beautiful but long.
(tomb)
2.) Tuesday:
Tuesday was insanity! We got so much stuff done! It was so fun! We woke up for breakfast at eight then cleaned up and headed out.
There is a section of Kennsington Gardens called Princess Diana Memorial Park. IT is a playground only for little children, but is open for free to adults only between 9:30 and 10:00. So, a few of us headed out to explore. It was so much fun. It was mostly based on James Barrie's novel, "Peter Pan" so there was a pirate ship, crocodile, treasure chest, 'Indian' camp, and tree house! We had loads of fun taking pictures until the children came and we had to leave.
Then we took the tube to see Big Ben, Westminister Abby, Trafalger Square, Parliament and Buckingham Palace. It was amazing. I had heard the Great Britian is more known for things that are old than things that are grand in size. But I felt completely dwarfed by the majesty of these buildings! They are beautiful and ornate! Actually Buckinham Palace is the least ornate. It was super fun to see the soldiers. I don't understand how they do everything in unison! We had loads of fun taking pictures and just walking and walking. We also strolled along the Thames and saw the swans. I love swans! I wonder how many are princesses... Just a thought.
While we were relaxing, eating Galaxy Bars (best chocolate ever) in the park I heard a band and so I ran over to see. There is across the street a Guard Museum and chapel and the Guard band was playing. They looked all sharp in their red uniforms. Ok, they looked smoking amazing! And they were all playing and singing. We just caught the end of their performance, but it was so sweet. The lead singer said it was someone's anniversary and they had to stand up and they sang "The Way You Look Tonight" It was so touching. I may or may not have cried...
Then we ran back for dinner and had a werid half an avacado covered in shrimp in this sauce, that is kind of like fry sauce. It sounds gross, but it was good. I really enjoyed it!
Then we had a lecture on Henry V and after walking for like five hours (as seen in two paragraphs above) we went and stood in the standing area at the Globe for three-ish hours to watch Henry V performed. It was a phenomenal show. The man playing Henry V was quite charmingly cute! I think, however that I was too tired to trully appreciate it. Nearly all I could focus on was how much my feet hurt and my legs are sore from the huge amount of stairs in our house.
3.) Wednesday:
Wednesday was also crazy busy.
We woke up early like around 6 and headed off to see Dover Castle and the Cliffs of Dover. It was really cool because this is one of the first places that was invaded most times Great Britain was invaded. Henry VIII lived there for a while. I loved it. Castles are cool. Did you know they made the stairs different lengths and heights to make running up it without tripping impossible as a defence thing? Well, they did. But man, are castles cold and the fog didn't . it was all drafty and there was fog all over. We climbed up to the top and they had a few exhibits. There was information on how people lived and all about all the kings who had occupied the castle. I think one of the most facinating things for me for some reason was that the walls were made of chalk. Apparently this castle has been used as a miliatry base until quite recently and it wasn't until about ten years ago or so that they realized that there were tunnels. By secret I mean civilians never knew there were tunnels under the cliffs and castle. It was a fortress. Like when bombs were being dropped during WWII the worst was it would maybe turn out the power. Actually these tunnels were used alot durning WWII. There were hospital tunnels and living quarters where all the branches of the army worked and lived together. Although apparently they had to have tea in shifts to avoid shared information between units and branches. I think it would have driven me crazy to live in a place like that, all under ground and freezing. Also interesting fact is the only other time the tunnels were used as a hospital after the war was a year or about nine months after for all the excess of babies being born, although most women allowed in were either military or married to - wouldn't want to give up the location. I found it funny that the tour guide kept telling us about "nineteen furtee:"haha his accent was funny!
And then we headed to the Cliffs which were beyond beautiful and all chalk. The Brits do things differnt though-no railings to keep you safe so it was kind of scary!
Then we headed to Canterbury Cathedral. It was beautiful. That is the place where Thomas Beckett was murdered. And we even saw the arch-bishop teaching some new priests how to pass sacrament! (odd thing: some were women)
We got home around seven and I don't even remember what I did - study I think...
4) Thursday:
We had class and got lost in Leichester Square (pronounced Lester) where we were going to try to buy tickets for Les Mis.. but I had to get back for dish duty so that was over pretty fast.. So then I just headed on home and stayed in and read 12th night with a whole group of people since we needed that read by Monday.
5) Friday:
We went to the Tower of London. It was so huge! There was so much to see. We saw the Ravens. The ravens are everywhere. Apparently there was a prophesy that if the ravens ever left the Tower would fall. so they have a house and a keeper and are everywhere and totally unafraid of people!
We were supposed to have lunch on our own, but got held up at the Tower and all the sights and plus we ran into Celester who had the stomache flu (it's going around, kind of makes me uneasy), so we helped her out and then met at this cool sundial where we started a London Walk. We are required to complete 7 London Walks that are certain places we need to walk and see and just experience and then write about. This walk was called Londinium. It is the oldest part of London. It was amazing! Not only did it have a whole bunch of old Roman walls (including in the basement of this museum an entire Roman Amplitheatre! They only just discovered this while renovating about eight years ago. It is so amazing to imagine regularly finding something that old, ancient, just lying around. Here it just seems to happen nearly everyday!) There was a wonderful blend of old and new architecture including; The Shard! This is because of the London Fires that happened around that area. WE learned all about that in the London Museum we went to afterwards! There is just so much knowledge I can scarce take it all in!
Then we had a lecutre on contemporary theatre and the play we are gong to see this upcoming week call "One Man Two Guvnors" from Tim Slover. This was our last lecture from him! It is so sad! He is going home on Monday:(
That evening I went to the eye.. I was really scared of the height but the sights were phenomenal. Valerie and I got on at the exact right moment. We bought our tickets about about 8:30pm, then boarded about 9 (since it closes at 9:30). But we did not board before watching the 4D movie that was free! It was hilarious! We got to follow a seagull over London and then there were people dancing bollywood, and a Chinese dragon and a proposal, a wedding reception and a birthday party all happening in the eye pods. haha It didn't happen when we rode it! I'm a little disappointed! Once we reached the top, we could see the sunset! And then as we desended it was just so beautiful! All the buildings began to light up! London is truly the most beautiful city on earth! It nearly makes me cry!
Then we just wandered around Trafalger Square and ended up at home around eleven.
6.) Saturday:
We had another London Walk and went to the Tate Modern Art Museum via the London Bridge. Before the bridge though we went to Bourough Market. This is a wonderful farmers market that is actually like everyday! I happened to have THE BEST GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH OF ALL TIME!!! I also sampled this nougat and carmel fudge. It was the best! And there was Cathedral next-door (huge surprise) but it had this interesting monument for a native man who came over with John Smith and died of small pox, but had to be burried around there because he was not permitted to be burried in London City Limits. It was also the original place where William Shakespeare was buried.
I can't say that the Tate Modern Museum was really my cup of tea. I learned that no matter how much I try to open my mind I'm not sure I can appreciate completely modern art. Although I saw some Picaso. That was kind of neat. There was also this video exhibit which was really cool. It was interviews with survivors from the Crimean War and their surviving items. It was really touching, and neat because they weren't speaking english so it just had subtitles and then you still put headphones on to hear their voice, just made it a more intimate experience. It was super neat.
Then we headed off to St Paul's with the intention of climbing it.. but to commemorate the Diamond Jubilee they have placed random, beautifully painted pianos all over the city so we stopped to play around on one.. Well, me more to listen. And this old, most likely homeless, crazy and slightly drunk Irish man came up and talked to us for nearly two hours! We couldn't get away. He was sweet and knew all sorts of fun facts and said we could come stay with him if we needed to and gave us ten pounds for icecream because he had to get to the church and couldn't come with us. while he was hugging us.. gross! I slipped that back in his bag. He was funny and spit alot when he talked. he also had no bottom teeth and wanted to know if my friend Nicala (pronounced like Mikayla but with an N) if she was spoken for because he'd be interested! haha. I was glad it was a heavy pedistraian traffic area. And proud that I was the one that hereded us all out of there.
Then we went to KingsCross Station and got our picture with the famous platform! I just love Harry Potter. Then we headed into the bookshop to look at the Harry Potter books, and I read the Gruffalo to everyone, because that is how cool we are.
When we came home and I was going to do some more homework, but ended up going to see Mamma Mia. Which was so fun! Thre was a slight hiccup with Sarah loosing her credit card, but all was right in the end. Plus I tried falaffel for the first time! Yum! The entire audience was dancing and singing along! There was also a chick fight during intermission and these two ladies had to get escorted out and they never came back! I amnot sure how it started, but it seemed like it was from people dancing and yelling during the performance (Hen Party or Bachelorette Party) and then this man told them to shut up and they decided to pick on his wife.. Crazy! It was a good distraction to how homesick I felt that morning. I just realized how long the trip was. Although I definetly cried a lot during Slipping Through My Fingers, more than usual, because they were having such a cute family moment.
The true purpose of the show was for Kim's birthday. Then after we decided to go to the because some of the guys in the show were really hot Kim wanted to get their autograph and a picture so we went to the stage door to try to meet them. We must've missed them though. Although it was so funny because this really good looking guy came out and Emily asked if we could get a picture with him and he said "I wasn't in the show.. Im a lighting guy" so funny! and embarassing (for her).
Then today was Sunday. And I am fasting. It has been good so far. I even taught my first Sunday School Lesson. Iwas glad I decided to prepare one just in case! It went well, a bit rocky at the start, but I got less nervous. It just feels like a lot of stress taching investigators! I don't want to over complicate things or tell them somthing wrong. But, they were good at contributing and super nice. Although I can't remember all of their names because they were Jamacian names and Nigerian names and so I had never heard them and found them harder to committ to memory.
Now we have a fireside tonight about the blitz and yes I got home and put on my Canada shirt.. so we may go out and find something to do - there is another Canadian on the trip from Raymond! I am so glad someone else knows what BC is and where Kamloops is. She is a BYU student and super nice!
Happy Canada Day All!
1. Monday
Today was my first day of classes! It is really hard to stay awake when you feel so jetlaged and starving. I am super exicted for my classes though! That may sound nerdy, but it's true! I get to take a British History class, and a British Literature class. We also have a London Walks class!
It was mighty hard to stay awake in class, but I did awesome on the quiz and hae been so thoroughly impressed with my fellow students. some of them are so articulate and well-spoken. I don't think I will ever participate in class! They just have so many wonderful ideas and seem to have a better grasp on just about everything. I guess maybe the American school system is greatly superior or they are all just geniuses... It is just mind boggling!
So here is how a typical class day works, breakfast 8:00-8:30, class at 9:00-10:15 then a half hour break, and Literature from 10:45-12:00.
On this particular Monday though we had only an hour break and then we had a meeting with Thais (Tie - e - sss) and Alvaro, they are the people who run the centre. Thais is the chef and Alvaro does everything else. They are the cutest Portugese couple ever! So during that hour break me and a few people went exploring the few blocks around our house for a Indian Take-Away Restaurant. It was only my second time ver trying Indian food and I LOVE IT! I got butter chicken and it was the most delicious thing ever! Plus it was an excellent opportunity to keeping getting to know people's names and who they are!
Alvaro and Thias had a lot of things to say about the house, and its up keep. So now I feel a bit more prepared to live with all these people. Although they gave no advice on how to shower in public showers when the shower doors are completely see-through. I don't think anyone thought that through!
Then we were off again, me and Valerie (my bunkmate) went on a walk to look for the text books we hadn't bought yet including the boring history book called ; The Story of England by Michael Wood and then Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro (this one looks a little better). We walked all around and found this darling little second-hand book store on Portebello Road (like Bedknobs and Broomsticks). Then we headed into Hyde Park where we found the Peter Pan statue and got terribly lost until 4:30 when I had to be back for dinner crew. We got so lost that some how we crossed a road without realizing it! I mean, Hyde Park is no Centeral Park but it is still quite large. There are two lakes in it! I find it really interesting what parks are like here, they are more of gardens and they are completely gorgeous!
Dinner was Kerma (sp) which is like a sweet curry! Then it was time for another novel experience which I adored! We went to listen to the London Symphony Orchestra. It was played right in St Pauls Cathedral! It is so majestic! The symphony was so beautiful! It was 90 minutes straight so I was rather pleased with myself for staying awake the entire time! But it just left me feeling wonderful! It had a choir and all the instruments! I love when I watch all the string instruments and their bows are moving in unison together! It just looks so nifty! The choir was phenomenal! There was this tenor who had a solo and his projection was so impressive. They sang in latin and you could follow along in the program, I found that rather enjoyable. Perhaps I will try to learn Latin someday, it is a pretty language.
One thing that I really want to know about Cathedrals and churches in general is the buriment of famous and rich It was beautiful but long.
2.) Tuesday:
Tuesday was insanity! We got so much stuff done! It was so fun! We woke up for breakfast at eight then cleaned up and headed out.
There is a section of Kennsington Gardens called Princess Diana Memorial Park. IT is a playground only for little children, but is open for free to adults only between 9:30 and 10:00. So, a few of us headed out to explore. It was so much fun. It was mostly based on James Barrie's novel, "Peter Pan" so there was a pirate ship, crocodile, treasure chest, 'Indian' camp, and tree house! We had loads of fun taking pictures until the children came and we had to leave.
(Me and Chelsea at the Pirate Ship in Princess Diana Memorial Park)
Me and Suzette, Chelsea, Valerie and Lauren went to the biggest, hugest department store in the entire world maybe, it is called Harods! It is huge and we saw diamond encrusted plates and ate at a Godiva Chocolate restaurant. There were the most intense things there! Things that I would never be able to afford in a million years, but perhaps I will register there when I marry Prince Harry or something.. Also, the toy store! They had giant teddy bears for 1500 pounds! I kind of want one! You can get them dressed up like all sorts of things like bobbies and in kilts! It was amazing!
(At Godiva Restaurant in Harrod's eating a milkshake and fondue! Yum! Suzette, Chelsea, Lauren, Me and Valerie)
Then we took the tube to see Big Ben, Westminister Abby, Trafalger Square, Parliament and Buckingham Palace. It was amazing. I had heard the Great Britian is more known for things that are old than things that are grand in size. But I felt completely dwarfed by the majesty of these buildings! They are beautiful and ornate! Actually Buckinham Palace is the least ornate. It was super fun to see the soldiers. I don't understand how they do everything in unison! We had loads of fun taking pictures and just walking and walking. We also strolled along the Thames and saw the swans. I love swans! I wonder how many are princesses... Just a thought.
(Me and Big Ben!)
While we were relaxing, eating Galaxy Bars (best chocolate ever) in the park I heard a band and so I ran over to see. There is across the street a Guard Museum and chapel and the Guard band was playing. They looked all sharp in their red uniforms. Ok, they looked smoking amazing! And they were all playing and singing. We just caught the end of their performance, but it was so sweet. The lead singer said it was someone's anniversary and they had to stand up and they sang "The Way You Look Tonight" It was so touching. I may or may not have cried...
(View from the bench at St. James Park. Man, the British know how to do parks right.)
Then we ran back for dinner and had a werid half an avacado covered in shrimp in this sauce, that is kind of like fry sauce. It sounds gross, but it was good. I really enjoyed it!
Then we had a lecture on Henry V and after walking for like five hours (as seen in two paragraphs above) we went and stood in the standing area at the Globe for three-ish hours to watch Henry V performed. It was a phenomenal show. The man playing Henry V was quite charmingly cute! I think, however that I was too tired to trully appreciate it. Nearly all I could focus on was how much my feet hurt and my legs are sore from the huge amount of stairs in our house.
(poster for Henry V with Jamie Parker at the Globe)
3.) Wednesday:
Wednesday was also crazy busy.
We woke up early like around 6 and headed off to see Dover Castle and the Cliffs of Dover. It was really cool because this is one of the first places that was invaded most times Great Britain was invaded. Henry VIII lived there for a while. I loved it. Castles are cool. Did you know they made the stairs different lengths and heights to make running up it without tripping impossible as a defence thing? Well, they did. But man, are castles cold and the fog didn't . it was all drafty and there was fog all over. We climbed up to the top and they had a few exhibits. There was information on how people lived and all about all the kings who had occupied the castle. I think one of the most facinating things for me for some reason was that the walls were made of chalk. Apparently this castle has been used as a miliatry base until quite recently and it wasn't until about ten years ago or so that they realized that there were tunnels. By secret I mean civilians never knew there were tunnels under the cliffs and castle. It was a fortress. Like when bombs were being dropped during WWII the worst was it would maybe turn out the power. Actually these tunnels were used alot durning WWII. There were hospital tunnels and living quarters where all the branches of the army worked and lived together. Although apparently they had to have tea in shifts to avoid shared information between units and branches. I think it would have driven me crazy to live in a place like that, all under ground and freezing. Also interesting fact is the only other time the tunnels were used as a hospital after the war was a year or about nine months after for all the excess of babies being born, although most women allowed in were either military or married to - wouldn't want to give up the location. I found it funny that the tour guide kept telling us about "nineteen furtee:"haha his accent was funny!
(top of Dover Tower)
And then we headed to the Cliffs which were beyond beautiful and all chalk. The Brits do things differnt though-no railings to keep you safe so it was kind of scary!
(cliffs and ocean and fog -- so beautiful!)
Then we headed to Canterbury Cathedral. It was beautiful. That is the place where Thomas Beckett was murdered. And we even saw the arch-bishop teaching some new priests how to pass sacrament! (odd thing: some were women)
(Me and Valerie at Canterbury Cathedral)
We got home around seven and I don't even remember what I did - study I think...
4) Thursday:
We had class and got lost in Leichester Square (pronounced Lester) where we were going to try to buy tickets for Les Mis.. but I had to get back for dish duty so that was over pretty fast.. So then I just headed on home and stayed in and read 12th night with a whole group of people since we needed that read by Monday.
(Singing in the Rain Theatre at Leichester Square -- I want to see this so badly)
5) Friday:
We went to the Tower of London. It was so huge! There was so much to see. We saw the Ravens. The ravens are everywhere. Apparently there was a prophesy that if the ravens ever left the Tower would fall. so they have a house and a keeper and are everywhere and totally unafraid of people!
(Tower of London Tower)
(Tower Bridge with an Olympic flair)
Then we had a lecutre on contemporary theatre and the play we are gong to see this upcoming week call "One Man Two Guvnors" from Tim Slover. This was our last lecture from him! It is so sad! He is going home on Monday:(
That evening I went to the eye.. I was really scared of the height but the sights were phenomenal. Valerie and I got on at the exact right moment. We bought our tickets about about 8:30pm, then boarded about 9 (since it closes at 9:30). But we did not board before watching the 4D movie that was free! It was hilarious! We got to follow a seagull over London and then there were people dancing bollywood, and a Chinese dragon and a proposal, a wedding reception and a birthday party all happening in the eye pods. haha It didn't happen when we rode it! I'm a little disappointed! Once we reached the top, we could see the sunset! And then as we desended it was just so beautiful! All the buildings began to light up! London is truly the most beautiful city on earth! It nearly makes me cry!
(Me and Parliament in the London Eye)
Then we just wandered around Trafalger Square and ended up at home around eleven.
(found David Beckam - we're in love! I KNEW I'd find a British Man)
6.) Saturday:
We had another London Walk and went to the Tate Modern Art Museum via the London Bridge. Before the bridge though we went to Bourough Market. This is a wonderful farmers market that is actually like everyday! I happened to have THE BEST GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH OF ALL TIME!!! I also sampled this nougat and carmel fudge. It was the best! And there was Cathedral next-door (huge surprise) but it had this interesting monument for a native man who came over with John Smith and died of small pox, but had to be burried around there because he was not permitted to be burried in London City Limits. It was also the original place where William Shakespeare was buried.
(Borough Market Sign)
(art?)
Then we headed off to St Paul's with the intention of climbing it.. but to commemorate the Diamond Jubilee they have placed random, beautifully painted pianos all over the city so we stopped to play around on one.. Well, me more to listen. And this old, most likely homeless, crazy and slightly drunk Irish man came up and talked to us for nearly two hours! We couldn't get away. He was sweet and knew all sorts of fun facts and said we could come stay with him if we needed to and gave us ten pounds for icecream because he had to get to the church and couldn't come with us. while he was hugging us.. gross! I slipped that back in his bag. He was funny and spit alot when he talked. he also had no bottom teeth and wanted to know if my friend Nicala (pronounced like Mikayla but with an N) if she was spoken for because he'd be interested! haha. I was glad it was a heavy pedistraian traffic area. And proud that I was the one that hereded us all out of there.
(Sean Finnigan AKA Crazy Irish Man)
Then we went to KingsCross Station and got our picture with the famous platform! I just love Harry Potter. Then we headed into the bookshop to look at the Harry Potter books, and I read the Gruffalo to everyone, because that is how cool we are.
(Christina, Nicala, Valerie, Me and Ashley heading off to Hogwarts)
When we came home and I was going to do some more homework, but ended up going to see Mamma Mia. Which was so fun! Thre was a slight hiccup with Sarah loosing her credit card, but all was right in the end. Plus I tried falaffel for the first time! Yum! The entire audience was dancing and singing along! There was also a chick fight during intermission and these two ladies had to get escorted out and they never came back! I amnot sure how it started, but it seemed like it was from people dancing and yelling during the performance (Hen Party or Bachelorette Party) and then this man told them to shut up and they decided to pick on his wife.. Crazy! It was a good distraction to how homesick I felt that morning. I just realized how long the trip was. Although I definetly cried a lot during Slipping Through My Fingers, more than usual, because they were having such a cute family moment.
(Prince of Wales Theatre)
The true purpose of the show was for Kim's birthday. Then after we decided to go to the because some of the guys in the show were really hot Kim wanted to get their autograph and a picture so we went to the stage door to try to meet them. We must've missed them though. Although it was so funny because this really good looking guy came out and Emily asked if we could get a picture with him and he said "I wasn't in the show.. Im a lighting guy" so funny! and embarassing (for her).
(The gang - Megan, Me, Kim, Janie, Kaitlin, Sarah, Sarah, Emilee)
Then today was Sunday. And I am fasting. It has been good so far. I even taught my first Sunday School Lesson. Iwas glad I decided to prepare one just in case! It went well, a bit rocky at the start, but I got less nervous. It just feels like a lot of stress taching investigators! I don't want to over complicate things or tell them somthing wrong. But, they were good at contributing and super nice. Although I can't remember all of their names because they were Jamacian names and Nigerian names and so I had never heard them and found them harder to committ to memory.
Now we have a fireside tonight about the blitz and yes I got home and put on my Canada shirt.. so we may go out and find something to do - there is another Canadian on the trip from Raymond! I am so glad someone else knows what BC is and where Kamloops is. She is a BYU student and super nice!
(From another day.. but Look! Canada is everywhere!)
Monday 9 July 2012
Week.One.
July 23, 2012
It has been such a few days! I'll start at the beginning...
I headed down for my complimentary breakfast and had my first attempt at a traditional British breakfast. Now, let me tell you, I was not all that impressed. There was bacon, that is really ham, no peanut butter for my toast (just jam) or cream cheese for my bagle (just jam) and cold pancakes. Plus, absolutely everything is greasy as heck and who eats baked beans first thing in the morning? But I did my best, who knows perhaps I will learn to love all this stuff!
I then called myself my own cab, checked out and headed off for what is called
My cab ride was a bit awkward. Prior to coming here we had gotten a lot of reading on the culture of Great Britain and one of the things I had remembered reading was not to discuss careers with people, it is offensive. I happen to love asking people how they chose their jobs and if they like it, so before I could come up with a safer subject - like let's say the weather (I'm a bit slow at times). I decided the lull had been so long, so we drove in silence. But it was lovely! Everything is brick and so old and guess what? I am staying in a rich part of town! It is nice, like breath-taking, I'm so incredibly over-whelmed, can't stop staring nice! Plus, my cab was so British! It looked British (shape-wise, you know?) and I got called Miss and he carried my bags! Although I can't help but wonder at which point does one become a Ms or Ma'am instead of a Miss? Just curious!
When I arrived at the centre I met my professors, they are lovely, just really nice! They even carried my huge suitcase up the million stairs for me! Then I got to explore!
I picked the closest room, no way I was walking up more stairs than I had to! I was only the third person there! The other two girls are super nice and crazy thing is one (Maddie) just graduated from high school! I don't think I would have been that brave! We, the three first, enjoyed a nice stroll through Kensington Gardens together, got our Oyster Cards, walked throught his awesome mall full of shops called Whitelys (the movie theatre is so expensive like 20 pounds a seat, but you can reserve your seat and they recline and it has a restaurant with waiters!) and tried Schwarma and Ka Bobs! I also told them a ridiculous amount about Canada. I don't think they realize it isn't all that differnt. I showed them loonies and toonies and answered some questions that I thought were rather dumb. Including what BC stands for. Oh, dear, Rick Mercer would love these two! haha
Slowly others trickled into the Centre and came up all the stairs to find rooms! There are 31 girls here and 8 guys. One girl is engaged, one guy is engaged, another is married and one has recieved his mission call. A few people did not arrive until Sunday morning because of problems at the JFK airport! I am just so grateful it wasn't me!
I went to bed fairly early again after a devotional on London. Apparently they are stuck up here! We also got our assignments for our wards that we will be attending church in while we're here! I just love this place already!
2. Sunday:
I had to get up relatively early for church, Ok, not really, iIt wasn't bad at all. I woke up at 8 for breakfast, then left at 9 to take the tube and then a train to our church. Me and six other people (Jordan, Chelsea, Matthew, Sarah, Sarah, and Shelby) are part of the Wadsworth Common Ward. It is certainly the most different ward I have ever been in! The race distribution is way differnt than the one back in Kamloops. It is like 90% black and there were probably at most only 25 people in sacrament meeting. It is also really interesting because nearly all of them are converts. They had no pianist or conductor so a few people in my group (Chelsea and Matthew) stepped in right away. They are much braver souls than I am that's for sure!
I think one of my favorite things was that church was that it isn't really all that different, it feels the same no matter what! That makes me happy!
We all got our callings! I get to teach Gospel Principles class with two others, Jordan and Shelby! It makes me nervous, but we'll see how it goes!
After I got home from church around 2, (takes about an hour to get home) I made myself a nutella sandwich (that seems to be the thing to eat with these British/Utah people) and did some journaling and then reading for class!
That evening after a dinner of pea soup (not sure that I'll do that again) we had a fireside by a UVU professor named Tim Slover. He is a remarkable lecturer and since he is a contemporary theatre professor he gave us some awesome tips on how to take advantage of the art and theatre scene here in London. He also just let us know how to be more open to art that maybe isn't "your style"! Now I can't wait to get out and see some fringe plays in theatres behind pubs and such!
We then studied like mad for the pretest in our classes on Monday! I don't think I've ever studied with such a big group, but it is nice to know that some people share the same concerns about the difficulty level and are just as ill-prepared as myself!
There are a few things I had learned by this point.
Me
It has been such a few days! I'll start at the beginning...
- Saturday:
I headed down for my complimentary breakfast and had my first attempt at a traditional British breakfast. Now, let me tell you, I was not all that impressed. There was bacon, that is really ham, no peanut butter for my toast (just jam) or cream cheese for my bagle (just jam) and cold pancakes. Plus, absolutely everything is greasy as heck and who eats baked beans first thing in the morning? But I did my best, who knows perhaps I will learn to love all this stuff!
I then called myself my own cab, checked out and headed off for what is called
The Brigham Young University Centre!
My cab ride was a bit awkward. Prior to coming here we had gotten a lot of reading on the culture of Great Britain and one of the things I had remembered reading was not to discuss careers with people, it is offensive. I happen to love asking people how they chose their jobs and if they like it, so before I could come up with a safer subject - like let's say the weather (I'm a bit slow at times). I decided the lull had been so long, so we drove in silence. But it was lovely! Everything is brick and so old and guess what? I am staying in a rich part of town! It is nice, like breath-taking, I'm so incredibly over-whelmed, can't stop staring nice! Plus, my cab was so British! It looked British (shape-wise, you know?) and I got called Miss and he carried my bags! Although I can't help but wonder at which point does one become a Ms or Ma'am instead of a Miss? Just curious!
When I arrived at the centre I met my professors, they are lovely, just really nice! They even carried my huge suitcase up the million stairs for me! Then I got to explore!
I picked the closest room, no way I was walking up more stairs than I had to! I was only the third person there! The other two girls are super nice and crazy thing is one (Maddie) just graduated from high school! I don't think I would have been that brave! We, the three first, enjoyed a nice stroll through Kensington Gardens together, got our Oyster Cards, walked throught his awesome mall full of shops called Whitelys (the movie theatre is so expensive like 20 pounds a seat, but you can reserve your seat and they recline and it has a restaurant with waiters!) and tried Schwarma and Ka Bobs! I also told them a ridiculous amount about Canada. I don't think they realize it isn't all that differnt. I showed them loonies and toonies and answered some questions that I thought were rather dumb. Including what BC stands for. Oh, dear, Rick Mercer would love these two! haha
Slowly others trickled into the Centre and came up all the stairs to find rooms! There are 31 girls here and 8 guys. One girl is engaged, one guy is engaged, another is married and one has recieved his mission call. A few people did not arrive until Sunday morning because of problems at the JFK airport! I am just so grateful it wasn't me!
I went to bed fairly early again after a devotional on London. Apparently they are stuck up here! We also got our assignments for our wards that we will be attending church in while we're here! I just love this place already!
2. Sunday:
I had to get up relatively early for church, Ok, not really, iIt wasn't bad at all. I woke up at 8 for breakfast, then left at 9 to take the tube and then a train to our church. Me and six other people (Jordan, Chelsea, Matthew, Sarah, Sarah, and Shelby) are part of the Wadsworth Common Ward. It is certainly the most different ward I have ever been in! The race distribution is way differnt than the one back in Kamloops. It is like 90% black and there were probably at most only 25 people in sacrament meeting. It is also really interesting because nearly all of them are converts. They had no pianist or conductor so a few people in my group (Chelsea and Matthew) stepped in right away. They are much braver souls than I am that's for sure!
I think one of my favorite things was that church was that it isn't really all that different, it feels the same no matter what! That makes me happy!
We all got our callings! I get to teach Gospel Principles class with two others, Jordan and Shelby! It makes me nervous, but we'll see how it goes!
After I got home from church around 2, (takes about an hour to get home) I made myself a nutella sandwich (that seems to be the thing to eat with these British/Utah people) and did some journaling and then reading for class!
That evening after a dinner of pea soup (not sure that I'll do that again) we had a fireside by a UVU professor named Tim Slover. He is a remarkable lecturer and since he is a contemporary theatre professor he gave us some awesome tips on how to take advantage of the art and theatre scene here in London. He also just let us know how to be more open to art that maybe isn't "your style"! Now I can't wait to get out and see some fringe plays in theatres behind pubs and such!
We then studied like mad for the pretest in our classes on Monday! I don't think I've ever studied with such a big group, but it is nice to know that some people share the same concerns about the difficulty level and are just as ill-prepared as myself!
There are a few things I had learned by this point.
- there are way too many stairs in the centre! I'm on the third floor apparently, but I walk up like six flights of stairs
- it rains like all the time
- there is no such thing as heat
- everyone from Utah knows everyone else from Utah
- the dress code isn't as crazily enforced as I thought
- everyone is so friendly
- we can't eat in our rooms, it leaves us at risk for rats
- since I sleep on the bottom bunk, there is all sorts of advice written on my 'ceiling' -- especially about snogging strangers, apparently asking them first is a good idea, and you shouldn't do it in front of your prof (they don't like that).
Me
Sunday 1 July 2012
leaving.
June 22
"I'm leaving on a jet plane. I don't know when I'll be back again. "
Ok, well I do know where I'm going and when I'll be back. I have been excited about this trip for weeks and weeks and months and months. But lately I think I've just been realizing all the things I will miss!
This is all so foreign I hardly know what to think..
I'm freaking out, but trying to stay positive.. who knows right?
(credit: postsecret.com)
"I'm leaving on a jet plane. I don't know when I'll be back again. "
Ok, well I do know where I'm going and when I'll be back. I have been excited about this trip for weeks and weeks and months and months. But lately I think I've just been realizing all the things I will miss!
- my family
- my friends
- being able to contact who ever I want whenever I want
- grumpy bear
- my bed
- driving my car
- my own room
- food that I am familiar with
This is all so foreign I hardly know what to think..
I'm freaking out, but trying to stay positive.. who knows right?
Wednesday 27 June 2012
travel.adventures.take1
June 22, 2012 (took a while to update, but here is what I wrote)
Hey everyone!
It is 1:34pm and I have finally arrived at my hotel. Phew!
What a long day! I am completely exhausted.
My plane was about an hour late to leave the airport in Calgary. But I enjoyed the time to write in my journal and contemplate this experience. Plus I just got more and more excited by the accents that I was hearing everywhich way. "Mummy and daddy" are probably my favorites! Then of course there was the crazy long plane ride. I was sitting my the window because I wanted to be able to get the very first glimpse of London from the sky and just soak it all in. But I was in for a few surprises..
Before I get into my surprises I would like to mention my wonderful seat mates. They were an adorable newly wed couple. She was Canadian and he was British and they were off to honeymoon/meet up with his folks. They were sweet and woke me up everytime something important happened, but also being newly weds and all, they were inclined to cuddle, leaving me with more room than I had anticipated. How nice.
I actually slept quite a bit of the flight and when I wasn't sleeping I read Persuasion by Jane Austen, a book I am required to read for my British Literature class I will be taking over here. I have been trying to read it for ages in Kamloops, but once I buckled down I really got into it. Now I would recommend it to all, what a wonderful love story! It makes me happy.
Now I flew on a rather cheap airline, the cheaper the better! But this meant that we did not have our own individual TVs on the back of the seat! It also meant they barely showed movies at all. We watched an episode of Friends, the one where Monica gets stung by a jelly fish and Ross and Rachel get back together and break-up AGAIN! There was also an episode of The Simpsons (the first I've ever seen) and then we watched Mamma Mia and some old silent black and white film. The rest of the eight hour flight was filled with watching the airplane slowly cross the Atlantic Ocean. It was all very exciting! All of that time also allowed me to discover their radio stations really only cycle through ten songs and half the country songs on the country station were no good, in my opinion!
Then here comes the surprise! We stop in Manchester! Now, imagine me! I'm freaking out! I didn't know this was happening! I am supposed to get to Gatwick and I don't know what to do!
It turns out this is a layover. We are all led off the plane, stand in line, go through securtiy, because it is apparently UK law, and then the half of the flgiht that wants to go to Gatwick, or more accurately has tickets to Gatwick get back on the plane and off we go on a forty five minute flight.
The waiting doesn't end here though! We get off the plane and now wait two and ahlf hours in customs. I am not exaggerating!
When I finally got out of customs my bag was just sitting in the terminal. It made me abit nervous, but at least it was there. I find the Gatwick Express Terminal and get on a train.
But the train was simple enough and I met some nice people already. Well, more specifically I met this nice Turkish man. Yes, I was freaking out a little bit about Taken, But he seemed harmless,and got off a few stops before me. He told me he had moved to London two years before to learn and train to be a professional football referee. I thought that was pretty nifty. He then told me all about the problems of his long-distance relationship with his girlfriend in Amsterdam. He was coming back from surprising her on her birthday! How sweet!
I got to the tain station and was so incredibly exhausted. Although my mother had told me that my hotel was only three or four blocks away I couldn't figure out which exit to leave from so I just got in line for a cab and figured I would be fine paying a little extra because I was too tired to walk, plus it was raining. But the cabby called me love and told me which way to go and said he would hate to waste my money. So I walked. It was nice and the weather changes faster than a 14 year old girl's mood!
My hotel was darling. It was tiny! Reminded me of Leap Year! I got all settled and tried to head off to explore the neighborhood! I was originally planning on Buckingham Palace, but was too tired and apparently can't read a map, so I enjoyed a few churches in the area, saw a funneral and tried to help a british man with his groceries. He was carrying a propane tank and a few bags and dropped them everywhere! I offered to help, and as far as I can tell he said he was fine, so I let him be. I feel that is the British way. But now I worry that that isn't actually what he said!
For dinner I was lame and just got KFC. I could only find sit-down other kinds of restaurants and felt too loserish if I ate alone.
Then I watched BBC and fell asleep around 9pm! Jetlag will not stay long!
I just enjoy everthing right now. It feels like this is such a good thing. All the silly things I've been stressing about, worrying about and carrying around for so long just don't feel important. All that matters is this grand adventure I have set off on and concentrating on making more memories than ever before.
Actually I have a line from a song from Tangled running through my head, but I've changed it a bit.
Love you lots and miss you ! But London may be too exciting to miss you too much!
Love,
Me
Hey everyone!It is 1:34pm and I have finally arrived at my hotel. Phew!
What a long day! I am completely exhausted.
My plane was about an hour late to leave the airport in Calgary. But I enjoyed the time to write in my journal and contemplate this experience. Plus I just got more and more excited by the accents that I was hearing everywhich way. "Mummy and daddy" are probably my favorites! Then of course there was the crazy long plane ride. I was sitting my the window because I wanted to be able to get the very first glimpse of London from the sky and just soak it all in. But I was in for a few surprises..
Before I get into my surprises I would like to mention my wonderful seat mates. They were an adorable newly wed couple. She was Canadian and he was British and they were off to honeymoon/meet up with his folks. They were sweet and woke me up everytime something important happened, but also being newly weds and all, they were inclined to cuddle, leaving me with more room than I had anticipated. How nice.
I actually slept quite a bit of the flight and when I wasn't sleeping I read Persuasion by Jane Austen, a book I am required to read for my British Literature class I will be taking over here. I have been trying to read it for ages in Kamloops, but once I buckled down I really got into it. Now I would recommend it to all, what a wonderful love story! It makes me happy.
Now I flew on a rather cheap airline, the cheaper the better! But this meant that we did not have our own individual TVs on the back of the seat! It also meant they barely showed movies at all. We watched an episode of Friends, the one where Monica gets stung by a jelly fish and Ross and Rachel get back together and break-up AGAIN! There was also an episode of The Simpsons (the first I've ever seen) and then we watched Mamma Mia and some old silent black and white film. The rest of the eight hour flight was filled with watching the airplane slowly cross the Atlantic Ocean. It was all very exciting! All of that time also allowed me to discover their radio stations really only cycle through ten songs and half the country songs on the country station were no good, in my opinion!
Then here comes the surprise! We stop in Manchester! Now, imagine me! I'm freaking out! I didn't know this was happening! I am supposed to get to Gatwick and I don't know what to do!
It turns out this is a layover. We are all led off the plane, stand in line, go through securtiy, because it is apparently UK law, and then the half of the flgiht that wants to go to Gatwick, or more accurately has tickets to Gatwick get back on the plane and off we go on a forty five minute flight.
The waiting doesn't end here though! We get off the plane and now wait two and ahlf hours in customs. I am not exaggerating!
When I finally got out of customs my bag was just sitting in the terminal. It made me abit nervous, but at least it was there. I find the Gatwick Express Terminal and get on a train.
But the train was simple enough and I met some nice people already. Well, more specifically I met this nice Turkish man. Yes, I was freaking out a little bit about Taken, But he seemed harmless,and got off a few stops before me. He told me he had moved to London two years before to learn and train to be a professional football referee. I thought that was pretty nifty. He then told me all about the problems of his long-distance relationship with his girlfriend in Amsterdam. He was coming back from surprising her on her birthday! How sweet!
I got to the tain station and was so incredibly exhausted. Although my mother had told me that my hotel was only three or four blocks away I couldn't figure out which exit to leave from so I just got in line for a cab and figured I would be fine paying a little extra because I was too tired to walk, plus it was raining. But the cabby called me love and told me which way to go and said he would hate to waste my money. So I walked. It was nice and the weather changes faster than a 14 year old girl's mood!
For dinner I was lame and just got KFC. I could only find sit-down other kinds of restaurants and felt too loserish if I ate alone.
Then I watched BBC and fell asleep around 9pm! Jetlag will not stay long!
I just enjoy everthing right now. It feels like this is such a good thing. All the silly things I've been stressing about, worrying about and carrying around for so long just don't feel important. All that matters is this grand adventure I have set off on and concentrating on making more memories than ever before.
Actually I have a line from a song from Tangled running through my head, but I've changed it a bit.
- "And now at last I am completely free! I kept wondering and wondering and wondering and wondering when would my life begin?"
- You know, this could be it!
Love,
Me
Saturday 16 June 2012
what. if.
- What if...
- What if I'm the one always screwing this up...
- What if it's never going to work out...
- What if I let all this loneliness get the best of me..
- What if I'm scared...
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/i-dont-know-how-to-be-in-a-relationship/
Thursday 14 June 2012
thoughts.
Has anyone ever noticed when the best time to think is?
The best time to think for me is at night, it seems the deeper the darkness becomes the deeper my thoughts, or perhaps that is just because I get more tired and think dumb things start to sounds smarter. These thoughts can be all types. Lately though, they haven't been the happiest. I have been having thoughts of sadness, of confusion, of fear. So here you go non-existent audience, here are my thoughts!
I have been thinking about... You guessed it! From the theme of my last few posts! I have been thinking about singleness. I have no idea why it is that this is so pressing on my mind, never before has it ever been an issue. Not when I was 18 and had never been on a date, or when I couldn't get a date to grad, or when no one ever asked me to dance at the dances. It has never been a big deal. It seems like it has been bothering me since my last friend finally entered a serious relationship. I know it sounds awful and President Thomas S. Monson of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said at this past May General Conference that another's success is not anothers failure. But I think maybe it is partially because now it seems absolutely no one has time to spend with me, so I notice my lonliness more. Or perhaps it is because of the culture that I live in. As I know I have said before I am LDS. And something that is common in my church, for no particular reason, is young marriages, so to be 21 and unwed, is not actually that common. Most of my friends and acquaintences have married in the past year. This isn't because young people are pressured or anything, family is just important and young men are more wiling to make commitments and it is a common goal. So it just sort of happens that way. The only other reason I can come up with is one that I haven't told anyone about.. I thnk maybe I have never shared this theory because I don't want to know the actual answer. Are you ready for a stupid story? Here is comes, get yourself buckled in.. There was this guy. His name was Bob (not really, but we'll call him Bob) and we dated casually (that is another thing that us LDS folk like to do) for a long time. Several months we went out nearly every Friday night. We had a wonderful time and I have rarely met anyone so easy to talk to and fun to be with. But this is awful. I never really realized we were dating. I enjoyed his company, but there was never a spark. That is not to say that I am waiting to be swept off my feet with flowers and music and never being able to think of anything but him ever again, but I do beleive and know that some sort of physical attraction is necessary and with him, there was none. He was perfect though. Like that Taylor Swift song; The Way I Loved You, except the guy she is with now not the one she misses
"he respects my space,
and never makes me wait,
and he calls exactly when he says he will,
he's close to my mother,
talks business with my father,
he's charming and endearing and I'm comfortable"
but all I could think was there must be something more. And I've never felt so dirty, yes this sounds lame, as when he put his arm around me while we were watching transformers that one time (yes, I'm like as innocent as they come) It just didn't feel right, you know. But that was nearly 3 years ago that I told him I just wanted to be friends and nothing more. He was pretty angry and we learned being friends after feelings like that is hard. But we reconnected and had fun visiting whenever he came back to town. This last time though. He told me he still had feelings for me. And he wanted to know how I felt. I couldn't tell him anything differnt than I had all those years ago. He is wonderful, but I can't date him. I don't know why. I just can't. And now I wonder if these feelings of strong desire for marriage and companionship come from the spirit telling me I was wrong..
I also worry about the future and about school and even about going abroad in a few weeks. I am afraid to be away from home. I am worried about the unpredictability of it all.I am worried about making friends and meeitng people and doing the school work.
I also worry about my faith, am I strong enough? I want to be. But lately I keep getting everything all out of wack..
Those are my thoughts. There are many. It keeps me up some nights..
Good night world!
I have been thinking about... You guessed it! From the theme of my last few posts! I have been thinking about singleness. I have no idea why it is that this is so pressing on my mind, never before has it ever been an issue. Not when I was 18 and had never been on a date, or when I couldn't get a date to grad, or when no one ever asked me to dance at the dances. It has never been a big deal. It seems like it has been bothering me since my last friend finally entered a serious relationship. I know it sounds awful and President Thomas S. Monson of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said at this past May General Conference that another's success is not anothers failure. But I think maybe it is partially because now it seems absolutely no one has time to spend with me, so I notice my lonliness more. Or perhaps it is because of the culture that I live in. As I know I have said before I am LDS. And something that is common in my church, for no particular reason, is young marriages, so to be 21 and unwed, is not actually that common. Most of my friends and acquaintences have married in the past year. This isn't because young people are pressured or anything, family is just important and young men are more wiling to make commitments and it is a common goal. So it just sort of happens that way. The only other reason I can come up with is one that I haven't told anyone about.. I thnk maybe I have never shared this theory because I don't want to know the actual answer. Are you ready for a stupid story? Here is comes, get yourself buckled in.. There was this guy. His name was Bob (not really, but we'll call him Bob) and we dated casually (that is another thing that us LDS folk like to do) for a long time. Several months we went out nearly every Friday night. We had a wonderful time and I have rarely met anyone so easy to talk to and fun to be with. But this is awful. I never really realized we were dating. I enjoyed his company, but there was never a spark. That is not to say that I am waiting to be swept off my feet with flowers and music and never being able to think of anything but him ever again, but I do beleive and know that some sort of physical attraction is necessary and with him, there was none. He was perfect though. Like that Taylor Swift song; The Way I Loved You, except the guy she is with now not the one she misses
"he respects my space,
and never makes me wait,
and he calls exactly when he says he will,
he's close to my mother,
talks business with my father,
he's charming and endearing and I'm comfortable"
but all I could think was there must be something more. And I've never felt so dirty, yes this sounds lame, as when he put his arm around me while we were watching transformers that one time (yes, I'm like as innocent as they come) It just didn't feel right, you know. But that was nearly 3 years ago that I told him I just wanted to be friends and nothing more. He was pretty angry and we learned being friends after feelings like that is hard. But we reconnected and had fun visiting whenever he came back to town. This last time though. He told me he still had feelings for me. And he wanted to know how I felt. I couldn't tell him anything differnt than I had all those years ago. He is wonderful, but I can't date him. I don't know why. I just can't. And now I wonder if these feelings of strong desire for marriage and companionship come from the spirit telling me I was wrong..
I also worry about my faith, am I strong enough? I want to be. But lately I keep getting everything all out of wack..
Those are my thoughts. There are many. It keeps me up some nights..
Good night world!
Sunday 10 June 2012
list.take.2.
2.
Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became
fears.
Fears are a funny thing. Have you noticed that? They are often irrational. They are odd. Sometimes they stem from experience other times, they make no sense at all.
I am seriously afraid of the following three things...
Fears are a funny thing. Have you noticed that? They are often irrational. They are odd. Sometimes they stem from experience other times, they make no sense at all.
I am seriously afraid of the following three things...
- Needles.
- I think my reason for being afraid of needles is simple. They hurt. It is dumb to allow someone to stab you and put a poisonous substance in your body or remove blood, just plain unnatural! Plus, I bruise like a peach!
- All those people looking at you is terrifying. I also am afraid I look and sound dumb, and that they are judging me. I espeically dislike talking in church, because in church there is no real right or wrong, and you are talking about more personal things. And if I cry, that is all the more embarassing.
- I seen it in the movies. I looks unpleasant and scary.
- When I was in the fourth grade my best friend's border collie attacked me. I still have a scar. I also had a few incidences with dogs on my paper route. I think their unpredictability terrifies me the most.
That is probably my biggest secret fear of all..
Tuesday 5 June 2012
replacement.rant.
I have a rant. It may be an odd rant, but it is my rant. I am actually quite interested in whether or not anyone else feels the same way I do.
I have throughout my life had several TV shows that I have loved, what I mean by loved is, have watched religiously. And with each show I have found, and understandably so, the writers are eventually forced to make a huge change, perhaps switch characters, change a plot line ect. I am talking about the times when they decide the audience needs a mix up, when a main character becomes pregnant, or the sexual tension that has been building for five seasons finally comes to a close with a kiss and a stable relationship.
What I am wondering is don't the producers and writers and directors know that I HATE that. Well, let me tell you, they should! Yes, it is all I've been wanting. However, once it happens I feel lost, and quickly get bored and peeter out of interest and stop watching it.
Exhibit A: Star Gate: SG1
- Daniel Jackson died
Exhibit B: Ghost Whisperer
- Jim died, but that kept the plot interesting as his soul tried to get back to her, but then at the end of the season you realizie she's pregnant.
- Melinda had a baby. Now that really ruined it. Half the time the kid was in the way, the other half you were left wondering what she did with him when all the other characters were out and about and no one was watching him
Exhibit C: Friends
- Ross and Rachel broke up
- The only good change: Chandler and Monica
Exhibit D: LOST
- The switching of the romances
- Charlie dying
Exhibit E: Castle
- Yet to find out, but Castle and Beckett finally getting together.
- Chuck and Sarah got together
- Morgan found out
- Casey found a daughter and lover
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