list.take.1.

Starting on my list.. Question number 1!

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

1) I am a proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
2) I love the idea of love, but have never experienced it.
3) I like to worry, well not really. But I do that alot.
4) I get cankersores when I don't drink enough water.
5) I would pick salty over sweet.
6) I am going to London this summer to study history!
7) I never floss my teeth, who does?
8) I am learning how to time manage.
9) I just started to stay up past 10 and now I can't sleep.
10) I secretly want to be a back-up singer.
11) I'm double majoring in two unrelated subjects; History and Psychology.
12) I carry my backpack with me everywhere.
13) I don't like horror movies.
14) I hope to one day ACTUALLY write in my journal EVERYDAY!
15) I wish I lived in a musical.
16) My cousin is my best friend.
17) Things that I think are funny others usually don't.
18) I just went to DisneyLand for the first time this year.
19) NO is the hardest word for me to say.
20) I like to drive FAST.

it.goes.on.

     Hey vast internet world,

     These are not my thoughts, but I like them, and what's more I agree with them. I think these thoughts are wise. I think these thoughts are truth. I know that anything in my life whether it be romantic, academic, emotional, spiritual and the like, whatever hiccup along the way will just make me limp for a little bit. I have learned that in life. Life goes on, no matter what and most importantly this too shall pass!

     http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/5-songs-for-a-man-i-used-to-know/

     "You said you didn’t want to see me anymore and I said okay. You said I was such a stoic. I said I yelp when I get a paper cut but I didn’t cry when my grandmother died. Did you want me to cry?
You didn’t break my heart, and I wouldn’t let you think that you did.
“You’re so comfortable and I’m so awkward. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Can’t we start over?” You were only half-joking.
“Okay,” I said and began fake bawling into my sleeve and you laughed.
After that we argued about music for an hour. Things were going to be okay, we really would be friends. And I liked that a whole lot more than losing you from my life completely, as if you had never been there.
A month later I felt something. I felt numb, like I had shut myself off. I took down pictures of us because I couldn’t stand not feeling anything when I looked at you. I could’ve spent a long time with you, maybe because I really liked you, or maybe because I never wanted you to hurt me.
I never wanted to be some faceless name on your long list of ladies twenty years from now. Originally, I was hoping that you’d look back and think to yourself, ‘Man, Elyssa was really cool. I’m glad I met her.’
But, no, you didn’t break my heart. You broke, like, my toe. When people’s hearts break, or bust open or whatever, they die. I just limped around for a while, and I healed eventually. It’s a funny thing about toes, though. Even after they heal, they’re never quite the same as they were before.
I’m glad it was just my toe, though. I only had to learn to walk again. "

(credit postsecret.com)

love.heartbreak.part.II.

      Today I've discovered a new kind of heartbreak.
  
      Well, last night I was upset (perhaps an understatement)...

      It is my own fault.  It comes with way too high of expectations.  

     I've learned to see this summer as a curse (again). I think it opened me up to the possiblility that love could actually be out there. and that I could feel something. And not be alone for the rest of my life. I know it sounds pathetic that at 20 that's how I felt. That was going to be alone, but I was OK with it. Just going through life not sweating my singleness or when if ever it would change. Because I was happy with me:) And just me! I could do it alone, if I had to. Infact sometimes I worried that that attitude would just contribute to the forever alone syndrome.

     But now here I am. Reverted back to a 12 year old girl, bawling my eyes out because a stupid (yes, they always are) boy didn't ask me to dance.  I feel creepy.  I just want to keep crying!
    
     My friend just wrote me this:

     "I scooped out her page. And yeah, I dont know her personality, but it doesnt even matter cause I dont think anyone is as awesome as you, and you are prettier sooooo....____would be making a big mistake if he passed up on you for her, and it would mean you are lucking out since obviously there is someone better then! The man you end up with HAS to be the man who sees how much of an amazing woman you are!!! He wont let you go for ANY reason :)"
     
     That was the kindest, nicest thing anyone could say to me.  But here's is all I seem to be able to see right now. 

• She's funny
• She is super nice
• She has gorgeous long, blonde hair
• She has good legs
• She can dance wonderfully
• She is really friendly and chatty
• they are so cute together
• Plus, I pulled the friend card and told him that.. mistake!
• And I am NOT!

     But that aside, I've been doing a lot of thinking about what it means to be in love, what it takes. I think it's a slow processes. To be in love is an action. It takes work and by no means am I anywhere near that.

     But now I know. I really truly know that I want that. I truly do. I want it for me. I want it for him. I want it for everyone. I know that the Lord has a plan for me. I know that if I wait it will all work out! I just wish it wasn't so hard and long.  I have a friend who got married about a year and a half ago to her childhood sweetheart. She is such a wonderful person, but it is so hard to speak to her about these kinds of things.  She always says it was tough for her to be single.. but when you're 16 and never been kissed or seriously dated it's cute.. when you're 21 it's a little more pathetic. And on nights like tonight I wonder..

• what is wrong with me? :(

I'm so sick of being alone...

I can't do this anymore...

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/if-i-loved-you-less-youd-probably-love-me/
(read this article)
(photo credit: postsecret.com)

just.friends?

    
     They say guys and girls can't just be friends.

     I beleive it.


     I beleive that no matter what someone is going to feel something for the other one. The problem is it may not, and will not go both ways (at least in my case).  I know this sounds stupid, and I know this sounds immature but I think it's a problem.  I am loving being his friend. I want to be his friend. All I want is to spend time with him and get to know him better, but the knowing that it will never go farther hurts.. Alot!


     There are always other expectations.

      It is difficult.


     It is scary.

     I wish I could read people's thoughts.

power.of.words.

    Have you seen this video? It is beautiful! Perhaps a clever advertising ploy, but I don't care I love it!

     I think that the message is important too. I've found it pretty useful and important in my everyday life. It is all about perspective. It is all about how you say things and how you look at the world. Like today for instance. I planned this hike and only one person showed up. I could see it as a failure or be thankful that that one person showed up and I had the opportunity to get to know him better. Or when the guy I liked asked me to hang out after. I could be upset that it was in a group or be glad he likes spending time with me, even if it is just as friends.

     There are so many examples and wonderful opportunities to change our opinion and to brighten others lives. I hope, I can take more of them!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Hzgzim5m7oU

(credit: postsecret.com)                                          
     I thought this was a rather beautiful reiteration!

the.list.

Hey All!

     I found this on a blog posting from Sunday, January 1, 2012 [http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.ca/2012/01/30-things.html]

    
     I want to try to blog every day.. So I will use one of these questions if I have not been inspired otherwise. So here is the list of questions I will use as stolen from above, I hope you enjoy and I hope I enjoy. I think we'll all be learning a little bit about me!

THE LIST:
1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Credit: postsecret.com

exams.

I hate exams.
I love procrastination.
It sucks.
The End.

     Some humour for the awfulness of the situation...

http://www.thatssotrue.com/view/story/2029