list.take.6.

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I don't know if it is easy to distinguish the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I wouldn't say that anything in my life has been especially uniquely difficult life. But for me, I have had challenges. We all have.
I am a lover of lists so I was going to make a list.. but then I realized that I know the answer. The answer is relationships. Yes, I am aware that I often use this blog as a way to vent about little crushes, or boys and all that stuff. But I'm talking about something different in this case. Actually I could discuss my fear of relationships. How I'm afraid that someone could actually love me, change their mind and hate me. How I'm afraid that I'm too lovable. Not lovable enough, replacable. How I fear moving out because I don't know if I will ever want to come back. How I love my friends but hate them simultaneously because I'm aware that many of the ways I am treated, I deserve better or on the other hand so much better than I deserve. 
Most specifically in this case is my relationship with my little sister. My little sister is wonderful. She loves reading and Twilight and Harry Potter. She is addicted to facebook.  She likes it when people say hi to her and is obsessive about goodbyes and goodnights. Of course, there are bad things about my sister too. There are bad things about everyone. Sometiems she gets mad and calls people names, or hits and bites. That's about all I really know about my sister. My little sister is 19. She is autistic. She is so-called high-functioning autistic.
I am about to be the worst person in the world to say that I love my sister. But I don't like her. I can think of two times in my entire life where I have ever felt any sort of connection with her. What makes it worse is the fact that I am always seeing these stories about how awesome it is to have an autistic sibling. How they still do lots of things together and they can tell they the other one loves them. 
That hasn't been my experience. My sister doesn't want to do things with me. She never has. She sometimes likes playing games. But she never wants to do them with me. When I talk she tells me to shut up. When I help her or drive her somewhere she slams the door and swears.
It's an adventure every day trying to relate. Further, it is extremely difficult to feel connected and to go through life without that vital connection to a sibling. It's hard.
That is my biggest challenge. To love my sister, get to know her better and not get too down about the whole thing.

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 30

Day 30:

A Picture Of Someone You Miss

    I miss my grandpa the most. My grandpa passed away this summer. It still hurts, and I still miss him I think I always will.

  

     I don't want to write a book, but I do want to tell you a bit about my grandpa. He was a remarkable man.

•  He was a man of faith.
•  He was a man of learning.
•  He was a man in pain, but he was paitent in his suffering.
•  He was a man who loved deeply.
•  He was a man who listened.
•  He was a man who always had time.
•  He was a man who was always proud of me.
•  He was a man who never missed an opportunity to tell me I was beautiful.
•  He was a man who gave the best hugs.
•  He was a man who was a husband, a father, a grandfather, a friend and so much more.
 

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 27

Day 27:

A Picture Of Yourself And A Family Member

     This is my little brother. I love him. I love him even though we do not always get along with him. This is a picture of us on our 60km hike two summers ago. It was quite the experience. It was quite the experience to do together!

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 5

Day 5:

A Picture of Your Favorite Night

     This is one of many, but this is the night my cousin Josh came home from his mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Buenos Aires, Argentina.  I am so proud of him! That night I loved being with my family and feeling of that amazing spirit of one-ness!